I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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