My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Naked Twister starts at high noon
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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