Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
