I like my sex mixed with concussions.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
