sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
