I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
