just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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