Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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