Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
now i know why i became what i already was.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
