dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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