You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize