he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
