btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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