And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
