fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
When did angry sex become our thing?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I enjoy the company of your penis
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