yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
