I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
