I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i think my mom watched the whole time
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
