come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
