You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
