who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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