So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize