I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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