Even water is tasting like jack daniels
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
