I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
