You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
