my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize