It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
