my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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