Your dad touched me again.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
