My Higher Power is John Stamos
I need to stop coming to work sober
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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