so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
