Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
