I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
