he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
