I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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