Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
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