I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize
