Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
