I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
