It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Boobs speak an international language.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
