Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
