I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
