you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
