For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
