So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
