he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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