i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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