So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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