I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
