There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
