At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
