using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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