So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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