He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Randomize
