my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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