I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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