I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Michael Bay diarrhea
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
