I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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