It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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