I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
We're too hungover to prance.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
