are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize